Eating Problem or Binge Eating Disorder?

Estee Goren, MA, MFT

            After a day of overeating, many people feel guilty and decide to eat less the next day. However, a person who has a binge eating disorder is usually anxious or depressed, and may feel comforted by the process of binge eating. But this is a temporary relief that is replaced by feelings of shame, guilt, and disgust. The two main characteristics of binge eating are eating a large amount of food in a limited amount of time, and experiencing a loss of control.  This experience is accompanied by a sense of discouragement and hopelessness. In addition, individuals may be afraid of comparison, judgment, or rejection, and feel disliked and isolated.  Yet, they will continue their habits because they feel that they would not be able to manage their lives otherwise. When these behaviors interfere with one’s quality of life and well-being, it becomes a disorder.

            Binge eating is prevalent in western societies and is usually triggered by negative self-image or a failure to meet unrealistic goals. These feelings usually draw people to a relentless cycle of dieting and binging. Some will try to control their weight by purging or using laxatives; however, these habits are ineffective and cause many health problems.

            Many people keep their binging disorder secret and do not believe that there is a treatment to their problem. They accept their situation, and they adjust their life around it. But it is important to know that when treated properly, full recovery is possible. However, the path to full recovery can be extremely difficult and is impossible to walk alone.

The most effective psychotherapy treatment is cognitive behavior therapy which yields lasting change. The important questions to ask are: What is the purpose of your eating disorder in your life? What personal need does it serve? Eating disorder patients are under a tremendous amount of emotional and psychological pain, and they use their eating disorder to get relief from that pain.

The Truth of ‘Happily Ever After’

By Estee Goren, M.A.

They seemed to be getting along very well. They had a son and a daughter and always appeared to be a perfect happy family. I imagined them growing old together, their kids visiting them during the holidays; and eventually, babysitting their grandchildren. But this was not their reality, and life turned out to be different; they split up, left their house, and went separate ways. What went wrong?

When we get married, most of us believe that we will live happily ever after with our spouse. But sadly, more than 50% of couples divorce. Why? Can it be prevented? Can we do anything to preserve and strengthen our marriage?

When considering our values and priorities in life, most of us will claim that our relationships with our partners are a top priority. Unfortunately, we rarely live by this principle. We allow ourselves to become so occupied with our daily activities that we fail to invest in one of the most valuable aspects of our life – our marriage. Frequently, we take our relationships for granted and fail to realize that we have to invest time, effort, and attention in order to sustain them. If we fail to make this effort, our relationships are no longer positive and fulfilling parts of our marriages.

Moreover, we often refuse to accept our spouse for who he or she is. This is the cause of many heated arguments and bitter conflicts. Eventually, some will admit that they fall “out” of love and no longer wish to stay together. Others may stay together and try to just ‘get along’.

But marriage is not about getting along; it is about staying in love. Marion Woodman said wisely, "I see love as two mature people walking parallel paths, profoundly respecting the essence of the other, honoring the differences in each other and giving each other space to develop their own uniqueness."

The higher our emotional intelligence, the more we are able to be attentive, understand, respect, honor, and support our partners’ hopes and aspirations. We are intimately familiar with our partners’ world; no matter how busy we are, we make each other a priority and therefore make the time to listen to each other daily. This is a friendship that involves taking care and looking after one another. Our partner is the one with whom we share our secrets and our dreams, and whose thoughts and feelings are of great interest to us. We are passionate about each other, and when we think about our partner we feel immersed in positive sentiments. This is the path to a thriving relationship where we feel loved and appreciated. This is the key to living ‘happily ever after.’

Can we learn how to repair our marriages and create lasting and fulfilling relationships? Yes we can. We can identify the areas in which we need to grow, strengthen the weak parts of our relationships, and practice simple techniques to restore, develop, and maintain a deeply satisfying marriage.

Estee Goren, M.A., is a Marriage & Family Therapist Intern (supervised by Julie A. Albert, MFT, MFC 28884) working with teens, adults and couples. She is specializing in relationship, life transitions, illnesses, grief, and personal growth. Her goal is to help others gain a new perspective, overcome personal challenges, improve their overall wellbeing, and pursue personal development.

Suicide among Young Adults

Estee Goren, MA, MFT

At one time or another, many teens feel overwhelmed, distressed, and helpless in a difficult life situation. Most suicidal thoughts and feelings emerge from an unresolved problem, intense anxiety, and intolerable pain. When one is in great distress, it is hard to think about anything other than the need to end the pain.  The inability to think clearly and realistically may lead to the horrific conclusion that suicide is the only option. Teens may not be able to grasp the fact that usually time weakens the pain, that the difficulty may be temporary, and that eventually the situation will change. Moreover, some adolescents are unable to comprehend the finality of death.

Although many teens feel that they cannot talk to their parents about their difficulties, most will share their suicidal thoughts with friends. Fortunately, this allows someone to be aware of the situation and seek the professional help needed to save a life. Suicide is preventable, and suicidal behavior is temporary; research shows that most teens are a serious threat to themselves for only a short period of time.

It is important to realize that people who talk about committing suicide may eventually act on their impulses. Individuals contemplating suicide may give away their possessions, lose interest in upholding their appearance, and abandon activities they once found fulfilling. Additionally, they may show signs of depression and aggression. It is imperative that a parent or a friend who notices these signs seeks the help needed to overcome the situation and prevent a tragedy.

 It is evident that those who survive suicide attempts are grateful to be alive, and in most cases, do not attempt it again. It is vital for young adults to recognize that their life is much more valuable than any temporary challenges they may be facing. For this reason, it is crucial that adolescents and teens discuss their situation with a parent, friend, counselor, or anyone else before they make the extreme decision of ending their life. They can also call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255 to talk to a professional who is there to help. We all need to watch for the warning signs and take immediate action to keep our dear kids and friends safe.

Alone for the Holidays

By Estee Goren, M.A.

The winter holidays are traditionally a celebration with family and friends. They represent a period of excitement and enjoyment, and embody a time when people look forward to reuniting with their loved ones and sharing the holiday spirit in happiness and delight. But for others, the holiday season may be stressful and depressing. This time of year may bring up memories of happier days with loved ones who are no longer around. Some may feel very lonely with no place to go and no one to spend time with. Others may want to be alone, but feel obligated to participate in social gatherings they don’t really want to attend.

This loneliness may trigger depression, despair, and self-destructive behavior. One way to cope with the situation and reduce the stress is to plan how to spend the time during the holidays. Some find it meaningful to volunteer; others prefer to reach out and make plans with friends who may be in a similar situation. Many will find it helpful to include a ritual that symbolizes the memory of their loved one. Being proactive and engaging in activities that bring pleasure can make it easier to get through this holiday season.

Estee Goren, M.A., is a Marriage & Family Therapist Intern IMF 61543 (supervised by Julie A. Albert, MFT, MFC 28884) working with teens, adults and couples. She is specializing in relationship, life transitions, illnesses, grief, and personal development. Her goal is to help others gain a new perspective, overcome personal challenges, and improve their overall well-being.

New Year’s Resolution?

By Estee Goren, M.A.

As the New Year is here, many of us are planning to change our lifestyles. We set goals to work out more, lose weight, eat healthier, find a companion, and more. But we often end up keeping our commitments only for a short while, and soon fall back into our usual routine. Why is it that we can’t keep our commitments? Is it lack of willpower? Resistance to change? Or is it our unconscious mind that controls our feelings, thoughts, and behavior?

To make a lasting change in our life, we need to be fully aware of our beliefs, emotions, and habits, and the effects they have on our lives. We need to have a clear vision of our desired lifestyle, and we need to understand our actions and reactions to certain events. We also must discover our underlying motives, and the true reasons we pursue those goals and dreams. Only then we will truly create and follow a roadmap that promotes meaningful and lasting results.

Estee Goren, M.A., is a Marriage & Family Therapist Intern IMF 61543 (supervised by Julie A. Albert, MFT, MFC 28884) working with teens, adults and couples. She is specializing in relationship, life transitions, illnesses, grief, and personal development. Her goal is to help others gain a new perspective, overcome personal challenges, and improve their overall well-being.

Coping with Cancer – The Emotional Effects

By Estee Goren, MFT Intern, M.A.

A patient who is first diagnosed with cancer is usually overwhelmed and frightened. He may experience feelings of sadness, confusion, worry and anger. There are different psychological and social impacts on the patient such as work, family, and self-image. These challenges may lead to feelings of hopelessness and helplessness. Therefore, it is important to find ways to cope and address those feelings. Some patients will hesitate to talk to their oncologist because they worry that they distract her from his physical care. However, it is imperative that the patient finds ways to express his thoughts and concerns. Some ways to do so are keeping a journal, joining a support group, meditating, or talking to a friend or a family member. Yet, sometimes the patient will be reluctant to doing so because he worries that he complains too much. Consequently, at times, it is beneficial to seek the professional help of a therapist who specializes in working with cancer patients. Psychotherapy can assist the patient to better cope with the side effects and the pain that evolves from treatment. It may also help the patient and his family better deal with and express these common feelings, as well as provide them with a safe place to communicate their concerns, improve their coping skills, and get relief.

Most patients have to grieve the loss of their previous lifestyle, learn to accept their new reality, and make the most of the new situation. Many will gain new perception and re-assess their priorities in life. The process of living with cancer is a life-changing experience that carries the patient to re-examine his core values and passions and motivates him to pursue goals of great personal importance.

Estee Goren, M.A., is a Marriage & Family Therapist Intern (supervised by Julie A. Albert, MFT, MFC 28884). She specializes in life-threatening illnesses, grief & loss, relationship issues, life transitions, and growth. Her goal is to help others gain a new perspective, improve their quality of life, overcome difficulties, and pursue personal development.

The Freedom in Forgiveness

By Estee Goren, M.A., MFT Intern

Forgiveness is the only way to free ourselves from the pain, disappointment, and anger that we develop when we get hurt. By taking the path of forgiveness, we gradually let go of our resentment, lift heavy weight from our heart, and initiate the process of healing. The course of forgiveness is a continuous and long journey. However, full recovery may never be achieved, and we will most likely remain emotionally sensitive to the pain we have experienced. Our need for revenge keeps us stuck in the past, but forgiveness frees us to live in the present and move forward into the future. Yet, it is important that we remember the lessons we have learned from our painful experience. We must not hold back our feelings and emotions from ourselves or others. Forgiveness doesn’t necessarily imply reconciliation. It only means that we allow ourselves not to be haunted by the suffering of the past.

Lily Tomlin phrased it well: “Forgiveness means giving up all hope for a better past.” Because we must accept the past, it is difficult to forgive. Even if the person towards whom we feel resentment is no longer around, we can still find a way to forgive and free us from the hard feelings. Sometimes it is easier to talk about the distressing situation with an unrelated person in a safe environment and explore our true feelings and deepest thoughts. Only then will we be able to resolve our pain.

Therefore, forgiveness is a gift we give ourselves. It enables us to gain peace of mind and contentment, makes room for positive feelings, and opens the door for new possibilities.

Estee Goren, M.A., is a Marriage & Family Therapist Intern (supervised by Julie A. Albert, MFT, MFC 28884) working with teens, adults and couples. She is specializing in relationships issues, life transitions, serious illnesses, and grief. Her goal is to help others gain a new perspective, overcome personal challenges, improve their overall well-being, and pursue personal development.

Chronic Pain – The Emotional Effects

By Estee Goren, MFT Intern, M.A.

Unlike temporary pain, chronic pain is an intense and constant companion. The longer we suffer, the higher the chance that we will feel helpless, lonely, and angry. Some patients become depressed and anxious. They may also experience insomnia, and cognitive impairment. Frequently, the patients’ thought process will change and become negative. They may become easily irritated, impatient, and frustrated. As a result, in addition to the physical pain, chronic pain will also affect the patients’ sense of self and their relationships with family, friends and coworkers. Psychotherapy can help patients to better understand the emotional impact of the pain and gain insight into their natural response. In Cognitive Behavior Therapy patients learn to identify negative thought patterns and reframe them into more realistic ones. In supportive counseling, the patients can learn how to better communicate their feelings, and practice mindfulness and relaxation skills. Consequently, patients will gain sense of safety and control, experience less emotional distress, and improve their overall well-being.

Estee Goren, M.A., is a Marriage & Family Therapist Intern (supervised by Julie A. Albert, MFT, MFC 28884). She specializes in life-threatening illnesses, grief & loss, relationship issues, life transitions, and growth. Her goal is to help others gain a new perspective, improve their quality of life, overcome difficulties, and pursue personal development.